Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My White Knight

In the past few days a recurring thought running through my brain is one that tastes almost of envy. Spring is in the air, and consequently so is love. People with whom I am in daily contact have been stung by Cupid’s arrow, and I am happy for them. Yet I cannot help but sometimes wish it were me who the arrow struck. I am blessed with deep emotions and the ability to feel other’s joy and sorrow on a deeper level than most people; however, this also means that my imagination often runs away with me and causes me to know instinctively how it will feel once that someone arrives. The pain of waiting seems to smother my spirits up, and if I am not careful, my thoughts spiral downwards incessantly.

I do know, however, that these despairing thoughts are neither healthy nor true. As a dear friend recently told me, the longer the wait, the sweeter the time will be once someone does come. In the meantime, I realize that I cannot simply wait around for Prince Charming to come riding in on his white horse. That’s not how it works. I must live my life and be happy being myself by myself before I can truly be ready to open my heart to another. Until that time, I must strive to better understand myself and to place my trust in God’s plan. It grows easier with each passing day, and I return from each setback stronger than before. I choose to be content with my life as it is, and I choose to move forward into the world rather than sit at home in my rocking chair and wait for my shining knight to suddenly appear. For it is my experience that love comes unlooked for, and it appears at the most unexpected and often inopportune moments. You can’t go looking for it, but you must keep your eyes open. You can’t find it, but it will discover you.

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