Friday, August 17, 2012

I'm All Alone . . . With No One Here Beside Me

Growing up most people dream about that day when they finally live on their own.  When they rent that first shoe box apartment or tiny house.  "That's the day," they say, "When I can do whatever I want.  I'll be free to come and go as I please.  I can eat all the junk food.  I can stay up late and watch movies real loud."  Sounds like the high life, right?  Even with all the bills that inevitably accompany your own place, you wish for the freedom it affords.

I'm currently sharing a two-bedroom apartment with one roommate.  I barely see her, though, so it's almost like having my own huge apartment.  (Huge is defined as: bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room, dining room, and spacious front entrance.)  But I'm discovering just how lonely living on your own can be.  The only social interaction I have right now is when I go to my classes or Mass.  Other than that, I'm holed up in my room studying and relaxing by watching movies and tv shows.  This whole "living alone" thing is not really all that great for my social life.

Of course, my awesome apartment space means that, technically, I've got lots of room for entertaining guests.  Or studying with all those friends of mine.  Oh, wait.  That's right.  My introverted shy personality (or maybe it's an intimidating aura) makes the process of creating new friendships extremely slow and difficult.  And the very few friends I've made so far are all in the same boat as me with the huge study load.

All this to say, living alone is great for that freedom aspect, but for me, it's going to make leaving my comfort shell even more difficult than normal.  Because I have no roommate to bring me into new social settings (and no gumption to invite myself), my social circle isn't going to expand very far at all.  Not that I really want a whole bunch of friends.  Too many people to keep up with makes my head spin.  Regardless, while I enjoy having my very own space, at the same time, I've realized that I don't really ever want my own apartment completely away from everyone else.  I'll survive here because I see the same people on a regular basis.  But moving to a foreign city alone could be severely detrimental.  Therefore, I have decided that when I move to a more permanent location, it will be somewhere I have connections or friends.  Some basis of human contact pre-existing rather than leaping into the great unknown without one familiar face to help ease the drop to Earth.


  1. "Leaping into the great unknown"...that's what I feel like I'm doing right now...

  2. Meh, you don't need to become a socialite yet, at least not until you get the hang of the whole study load thing. And when you do, you can invite those friends you have made over and you can just read quietly together in the same area, until someone finds something worth mentioning. :) Then you can discuss stuff. But if they do the whole Socratic method there, discussions might be useful, too.