Giving It All Up to God

I've been learning a lot lately, and not just about the law.  I'm daily discovering how much easier and freer my life is when I turn all my worries and stress over to God.  He has a wonderful plan for my life, even if I don't really understand what it is exactly.  I find that every time I try to take control, things tend to get difficult and hard to understand.  But when I let my own control go and trust in Him instead, my soul is at peace––even with all the stress surrounding me.  I know that I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.  I just have to let Him in to do just that.

Needless to say, all of this musing led to a new set of song lyrics.  I don't have a tune for them yet (too many other songs floating around in my head), but here are the lyrics for your enjoyment.

Total freedom comes from complete surrender

Through saving grace my heart is saved.

The plan of life isn't mine to create.

I simply need to trust.

(REFRAIN)  I'm letting it all go,

Throwing my hands up in the air.

To gain control of my own life,

I must give it all to You.

I don't always understand Your plan,

And my human nature falls at times.

I want to know where my life is going,

But the misty future confuses me.

REFRAIN

The future whirls before me

Muddling my present state of mind.

I cannot tell where my path is leading,

But I'm trying to let it all go.

REFRAIN

I cannot succeed on my own.

My human will is too weak.

But as I daily offer my life to You,

My trust in Your plan grows.

REFRAIN

You daily increase my faith in Your plan,

And I know You will not let me fall.

As I surrender my will into Your hands,

I gain freedom in my life.

I'm All Alone . . . With No One Here Beside Me

Growing up most people dream about that day when they finally live on their own.  When they rent that first shoe box apartment or tiny house.  "That's the day," they say, "When I can do whatever I want.  I'll be free to come and go as I please.  I can eat all the junk food.  I can stay up late and watch movies real loud."  Sounds like the high life, right?  Even with all the bills that inevitably accompany your own place, you wish for the freedom it affords.

I'm currently sharing a two-bedroom apartment with one roommate.  I barely see her, though, so it's almost like having my own huge apartment.  (Huge is defined as: bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room, dining room, and spacious front entrance.)  But I'm discovering just how lonely living on your own can be.  The only social interaction I have right now is when I go to my classes or Mass.  Other than that, I'm holed up in my room studying and relaxing by watching movies and tv shows.  This whole "living alone" thing is not really all that great for my social life.

Of course, my awesome apartment space means that, technically, I've got lots of room for entertaining guests.  Or studying with all those friends of mine.  Oh, wait.  That's right.  My introverted shy personality (or maybe it's an intimidating aura) makes the process of creating new friendships extremely slow and difficult.  And the very few friends I've made so far are all in the same boat as me with the huge study load.

All this to say, living alone is great for that freedom aspect, but for me, it's going to make leaving my comfort shell even more difficult than normal.  Because I have no roommate to bring me into new social settings (and no gumption to invite myself), my social circle isn't going to expand very far at all.  Not that I really want a whole bunch of friends.  Too many people to keep up with makes my head spin.  Regardless, while I enjoy having my very own space, at the same time, I've realized that I don't really ever want my own apartment completely away from everyone else.  I'll survive here because I see the same people on a regular basis.  But moving to a foreign city alone could be severely detrimental.  Therefore, I have decided that when I move to a more permanent location, it will be somewhere I have connections or friends.  Some basis of human contact pre-existing rather than leaping into the great unknown without one familiar face to help ease the drop to Earth.