Silver Linings

You know those days when everything seems to go wrong?  Your alarm didn't go off.  Your fridge is empty.  Or your car just won't start for the third weekend in a row?  (Guess which one didn't happen today.)  I've decided that there are quite a few ways to deal with said problems.  You could just jump off the deep end and run around screaming and cursing the fates.  You could get extremely frustrated by how late you're going to be or how much money this repair is going to be.  You could just crawl in to a hole and curl into a fetal position as you suck your thumb and bemoan your sorry existence - the whole "woe is me" angle.  But none of these outlets are fruitful or helpful in any way, shape or form.  Sure, it might give you some small pleasure to curse your vehicle for breaking down yet again, but it won't help fix the problem.  Besides, it wastes energy.  So here's my solution.


Take ten seconds and just breathe.  In and out.  Allow yourself time to fully grasp the situation before tackling it head on.  Remember that broken cars are the reason we have car insurance.  So that when you need a tow truck, it's covered.  You don't have to delve into your pocket for loose change.  This is also why you have an emergency fund in your bank account.  Unexpected (and often costly) delays happen all the time.  Your best bet is to be prepared for the inevitable.  Sort of like bringing an umbrella on a sunny hike just to make sure it doesn't actually rain.  Of course, car repairs are just a part of life.  No use getting angry and frustrated over them.


So, now that you've established the problem and called the tow truck, you're probably wondering how in the world you're going to get all the places you have to be.  Most immediately it's the mechanic to talk to them about your car.  This is where the true friends and Good Samaritans show up.  They lend you their car with no questions asked.  You make it to the mechanics and back safely, confident that your vehicle is in good hands.  Other friends are more than willing to give you a ride places such as Mass.  Suddenly, your life looks less and less bleak.  After all, the sun is shining.  You got a day off to relax.  This could very well be God's way of saying "slow down."  


And that's where the silver lining comes into the picture.  What seems at first only an annoying problem transforms into numerous opportunities for gentle reminders that He's in control.  That you do have friends who love you.  Friends who would drop everything at the slightest call for help.  Friends who you would do exactly the same thing for were they in the same position.  So once you've got all your immediate troubles sorted out, take another ten seconds (or longer) and be thankful for the many blessings.  Your car will be fixed.  Your troubles have dissipated with the help of many friends.  And God has once more shown that you are not alone.

So, it is up to you to choose the silver lining.  Every situation has one, no matter how dark and dreary the cloud of trouble may appear.  You can choose to waste time, energy and your life in being frustrated by every problem that appears.  Or you can choose to offer up the frustrations and know that everything will work out for the best.  You can work through the problems rather than ignore them, and along the way, you will discover blessings you never knew you had or had failed to fully appreciate.

I'll Be A Old Maid

No young girl wants to be labeled an "old maid."  Perhaps that's why we have become so desperate to have a man in our lives, regardless of whether he is "the one."  I have to admit that I was in the boat with all the other optimistic, naive young women who entered college with the thought "I'll be getting married when I graduate."  That wasn't in God's plan for me, at least not yet.  It's been a long road, and a difficult one, but I'm at last beginning to be content with my singlehood (even rejoicing in it occasionally.)  I'd like to take a few moments to pass on my experience and thoughts on the subject to all you readers out there who may be going through this or know somebody going through it.

I've decided that there are a few steps to be taken when one looks at one's future, especially regarding the vocation of marriage.  I would like to outline them for you in the hope that together we can determine some of the cause behind womankind's inevitable tendency towards romantic illusions and heartbreak.

Step 1:  Discerning your vocation.  This does not mean figuring out where you want to work after graduation.  A vocation is your life's work, your calling, what God intended you for.  The most common distinction within vocations is that between the religious life and the married life, both of which are amazing vocations.  But your vocation could also be to the single life.  The process of discernment can take many years, even decades, and it won't work unless you are completely open to every possibility.  Too many people (myself included) spend their lives searching for something to complete them, but they search on their own and refuse to let God take control and show them their path.  It is a scary thing to offer all your hopes and dreams to God and place all your trust in Him.  And it's incredibly difficult, but once you do, everything will fall into place as He reveals His wondrous plans for your life.  

Step 2:  Where to look?  For the sake of this post, I'm going to focus on those who are called to the married life.  I currently believe that is my vocation, although I'm still working at the complete discernment.  In the meantime, what should you do?  Suppose you don't have a boyfriend (or any possible prospects).  Does this mean that you will end an old maid?  NO!  As a dear friend recently said, "If you're not ready, and he is, God won't bring you together.  If you're ready, and he is not, God won't bring you together.  Only when God knows you are both ready will you be brought together."  While you are single, your sole purpose is to draw closer to God and develop your own spiritual life.  The vocation of all people is to strive for sainthood.  As a single person, you have advantages that married people do not.  You can spend more time in prayer and meditation than a mother with seven children or a working father.  Use this time to become the best person you can be.  For in order to give yourself to someone else completely, you must first know who you are.  And that is no easy task.

Step 3:  Don't despair!  Too many young women fall into the depths of despair when they aren't married by age 23.  Believe me, I was in that boat once too.  It seems that everyone around you is happily in love, and you are left out in the cold.  What is it that those girls have that you don't?  Are you ugly?  Boring?  Unlovable?  I've asked myself all these questions at one time or other, but thankfully with the help of God and my closest friends, I have determined that the answer to all those questions is an emphatic NO.  Just because you don't have someone yet, doesn't mean that you won't in the future.  Focusing on what we don't have causes us to lose sight of all that we do possess.  If you spend too much time daydreaming about Mr. Right, you will miss spectacular opportunities in your daily life.  He'll come when he's supposed to (or near enough).  Don't spend your life wishing upon a fairy tale.  

Step 4:  Stop looking.  I'm sure you've all had the trouble of something bordering on a pathological search for a guy.  Or close enough.  The checking of left hands for rings.  The glances to see if he's got a girlfriend with him.  The subconscious appraisal of his potential.  All of this simply works negatively.  A) You're automatically classifying every guy you see, making snap judgments.  B) You set yourself up for heartache because inevitably all of the guys are taken or whatever.  You have to stop thinking "Is he the one?" every time you see a guy.  And this goes double when you make friends with a guy.  There is nothing worse than analyzing a new acquaintance for his marriageable potential.  Treat him as a friend, nothing more and nothing less.  If something is meant to happen, let it blossom out of the friendship.  Don't try to force love to grow in a hothouse rather than using the clean air of nature.  If you can stop thinking about every guy as a potential boyfriend, and instead think of them just as potential friends, your life (and your heart) will be a lot easier.  

Step 5:  Guard your heart.  Don't leap at the first opportunity just because you've been waiting for so long.  Don't allow yourself to enter a relationship which is detrimental to your health, whether it be your spiritual, your physical, your emotional, or your mental health.  We've all seen the movies with love at first sight, but I've come to believe that such a thing does not exist.  Not true love anyways.  Like at first sight I can do.  But true love must come from a deep understanding of the other person, which understanding only comes about through true friendship.  By staying away from bad relationships, you protect your heart for your future spouse.  I was once told that every time you break up with someone, your heart rips in two.  If you go through relationship after relationship, by the time you finally find your spouse, your heart is missing large portions.  Be cautious (but not afraid).  Love is about taking chances and risking everything, but generally when a person takes life-changing chances, they weigh a few of the potential pros and cons.  Don't let your passion drown out your reason.  Passion and reason should work harmoniously together.  Believe me, your heart will thank you in the long run if you let reason take the precedence.

I could go on, but I believe that these are the most important things to remember.  Above all, do not lose hope.  God has a calling for everyone, and if your vocation is marriage, He will not let you die without fulfilling it.  Keep your mind and heart open to His will.  Strive towards sainthood.  Keep your eyes open to the world around you.  Cherish and care for your friendships.  And eventually, probably when you least expect it, you'll find that the love of your life has appeared before you, creeping on soft and slow through the guise of friendship blossoming to true love.

Waiting Room

Carla slowly turned around as she took in her new surroundings.  She stood in a stark white enclosed room bordered by innumerable doors.  Each door gleamed a different color, and a small sign labeled the contents therein.  Career.  Family.  School.  Travel.  Couch Potato.  Leech.  Hole In Sand.  Party Lights.  Cardboard Box.  Childhood.  Friends.  Alternate Life.  The choices seemed endless as she continued to swivel in her comfortable chair.  So this is it.  This is where my future is decided.  How do I know which door to choose?
A gentle voice behind her caused her to jump up.  "You don't know.  Alone, all you can do is guess.  Each door leads to a possible future.  Whether it is your next destination on the eternal plan, you cannot know without help."
Carla was positive she hadn't spoken aloud, but she turned towards the voice and asked, "What is this help?"  She raised her hand to shield her eyes from the shining light and called out, "I can't see you.  How do I know you're there?"
"You have other senses than sight, have you not?  Senses that course through your entire being beyond the simple external five.  What do these senses tell you?"
Carla closed her eyes for a moment, trying to discern the deeper trust in her faith of the divine.  "That You exist.  That You are here with me even though I cannot see Your face.  And that You are the answer to all of my troubles.  Please.  Tell me what to do."
She felt rather than saw His smile as He said, "Carla, my child, it is simple.  Follow Me.  That is what you must do."
Her heart sank as she complained, "But what should I do specifically?  Which of these doors opens onto the next step for my path?  How do I decide?"
"Talk it out for Me, and you will realize the answer you have always had within your soul."
"But it would be so much easier if You would just tell me."
"Since when has My way been about the easy way out?" He admonished her.
Carla bowed her head in submission.  She rubbed her temples and began to work it out.  "I suppose the first step is discernment of your vocation.  Check.  Mine's marriage and motherhood.  But I can't just jump through the Family door.  I haven't even got the meager beginnings of my own as of yet."
"Correct so far.  This room, then, is the 'waiting' room.  It is where you discover what your purpose on life is between childhood and fulfilling your vocation."
"How long am I stuck in this interim?"  He did not answer.  "I suppose that's for You to know and me to find out."  Again she felt His smile and groaned inwardly.  I always knew He had a strange sense of humor.  But she stopped because she remembered how He could read her thoughts.  "Ok.  So I have to decide, or rather discover, what my interim singlehood is for."  Carla sat back down and tucked her knees under her chin.  The door choices swirled before her closed eyes as she tried to figure out the correct decision.  "I don't know!" she finally cried out.  "At least, I can't know without Your help.  Please help me!"  Her prayer for guidance did not go unanswered.
"All you need do is trust My path and stay alert for the signs which I will send.  They will guide you through the days ahead."
"But how will I know what these signs are?" Carla asked, but she received no answer.  Trial and error, I suppose.  Mixed with a bit of prayer and a large helping of faith.  The next time she opened her eyes, Carla was in her bed once more.  A car horn blew outside as birds heralded the new day.  As she prepared for work, her dream played over in her mind.  "Fine," she whispered.  "I'll try to watch."  As she ran out the door, Carla had no idea how much faith in God's plan could change her life.

Blind Faith

When God basically hands you a notice signed and delivered saying “This is the next step,” it’s incredible.  Inevitably, however, that’s also the time when the devil will put doubts in the back of your mind.  Should things be falling into place this easily?  Should I really be abandoning all the possibilities surrounding me right now?  Am I really supposed to jump without knowing why?

Lately a few people have been questioning my decision to attend law school in the fall (as well as the particular school I chose.)  First off, I suppose I should illustrate the reasons behind my decision.

Don’t ever make a bet with God.  If you say you will NEVER do something, most likely, you’ll end up doing just that.  I would never have considered law school unless, maybe, if I was ditzy enough to believe real-life law school was anything like Legally Blonde.  But due to strong suggestion from several people, I grudgingly agreed to take the LSAT and go from there.  I “studied”, i.e. basically took 2 practice tests and looked through a prep-book, for three weeks before the exam.  Taking the actual test was amazing.  I wasn’t stressed even though everyone else around me was freaking out like, I don’t know, their entire life was riding on the test.  When I got my scores back, I was impressed.  I’d done pretty well, especially considering my preparation, or rather the lack thereof.  So the next step, since God had given me a good score, was to actually apply to school.  I put it off for a few months until I finally submitted 4 applications in January.  At that time, I said if God wanted me at law school, would He please give me a full ride so that I would know for sure.  Three weeks later, I heard back from my current destination school with a full scholarship offer.  In the moment that I read the exciting words, I knew deep down that this was where God was calling me next.  I still can’t explain it, and I probably never will be able to do so.

I am not excited about law school.  I have no clue why God wants me there.  I know He’s got a plan, but I don’t know anything but the immediate destination.  A detailed layout would be lovely, but I have to simply leap on faith.  I know that this is what’s next.  Maybe it’s a trial by fire (or heat, as the case may be.)  Maybe it’s a test of faith.  Maybe it’s a chance for me to develop my faith further.  Maybe it’s a 3 year commitment.  Maybe it’s only for 6 months.  God alone knows.  All I can do is pray for the strength to keep my faith in Him.

Anyways, like I mentioned before, when you’re following God’s plan, inevitably there will occur numerous “road blocks” that the Devil sends your way.  In my case, there are the people who remind me (with every good intention, of course) that I don’t “have” to go.  Or the people who question my choice of school because it’s insanely difficult to get a job of any sort after graduation with a diploma from there.  Or who question the choice of law school in general if I really want to study or pursue something else entirely.  Trying to explain to a very realistic and prudent person the reasons why I’m heading to school gets difficult because all I can say is that I know the Holy Spirit is guiding me there.  I know that’s enough, but it’s still hard.  

Furthermore, what so many people fail to realize is that I don’t care about having an amazing work career.  I know that my vocation is to the married life and motherhood whenever God decides that’s the next step.  To get from point A to point B, I’m perfectly content working as a secretary or a nanny.  Sure, I’d love to make a nice bundle of money each year, but it’s not necessary.  I know that having a good income is extremely helpful, especially if you’re living on your own.  But it’s not the most important thing in life.  Of course, for a guy it’s probably different.  They need to set up the good job so that they can support any future dependents.  

I am intending to research other graduate schools and take the next year to study for the GRE, take it as soon as possible, and apply to schools for a Masters program in English.  I would absolutely love to study more literature, but I can’t afford to just begin paying boat loads of money for classes.  So perhaps that’s another reason why I’m headed to law school.  I can live basically for free for the next year and delve deeper into my other school possibilities.

I try not to question God’s plan, but I can’t help it sometimes.  Especially when, just a few short weeks before I’m set to leave, I begin making friends and realizing just how amazing life could be if I stayed in my current area.  But maybe that’s the point.  Maybe I begin these friendships now so that if I return, I’ve already got my foot in the door so to speak.  If I’m being honest, I’m slightly terrified.  I’m moving 1400 miles from my family and 1100 miles from my closest friends to a place where I don’t know anybody to a part of the country with weather I absolutely dread.  There are so many specifics that have yet to be settled.  The only way I am still cheerful about this next step is that I still believe, without a doubt, that it’s where God is sending me.  I know that everything will work out, but knowledge does not always dispense with fear.  And maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.  Pushing forward into the unknown despite the fear in order to sincerely and truly place complete trust in God.  

Everyone talks about how much I’ll love it down there.  How much good I can do as a Catholic female lawyer in our modern society.  How well I will do in my studies.  How proud they are of me.  How much they believe in my impending achievements.  How impressed they are by how blessed my law school plans have been.  All I know is that I’m leaving everything I have ever known and beginning something entirely new.  And it scares me so much.  So, to anyone who actually finished reading this, please pray for me.  Knowing God’s plan is one thing.  Having the courage and strength to follow it blindly is something else entirely.  I know there is so much I have yet to learn about who I really am and what my life on earth is for.  I simply hope and pray that I can continue my trust in God and keep my eyes and heart open to whatever plans He sends my way.

The Practice of Law

This is my personal statement for my law school applications:

From an early age, I despised injustice.  I believed then and believe now in the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  I once believed that, just as in fairy tales, the wicked were always caught and punished accordingly.  I thought that the good always triumphed over the evil.    I believed the good to act as truly heroic men should, namely with a sense of honor and respect for their fellow man even as they dealt out their judgment.  As I have grown up, I realize more and more how little the world understands of true justice, i.e. the quality of being fair and reasonable, tempered with mercy and compassion.  Too often mankind deals out the harsh and swift fist of punishment and retribution without recollecting the innate worthiness of each human being.  This harsh attitude, however, is a product of the era because as crime increases and our patience wears thin, the methods and judgments become more merciless.  I believe that a crime should be punished; however, that punishment should be accompanied by a firm but compassionate understanding of the condemned person’s dignity.  

In the practice of law, I would strive towards uncovering the truth and presenting it without qualms.  I have heard for some that the client comes first, even before the truth.  This seems selfish and arrogant on the part of the lawyer and their clients.  They take the determination of the full truth into their own hands, modifying the code of honorable justice to fit their own personal uses.  While some people may attempt to cover up the less savory facts of their client’s involvement, I believe that the whole truth should be stated.  If man is to truly judge one another, all of the facts must be presented without remiss.  Both the good and the bad should be taken into account.  In some cases, there is a clear verdict concerning the criminal and the victim.  Other cases require a great deal of research and presentation from both sides.  In all of this, however, a worthy lawyer should balance the good and bad of his client, presenting a truthful story to the judge and jury.  Hiding vital or non-vital information from the court is the same as lying.  In order to arrive at the truly just decision, a judge and jury must have all the information.  Thus, a lawyer who intends to uphold the banner of justice must make the pursuit of the whole truth his life’s work.

As a lawyer, your work is to defend your client and gain the best settlement possible.  If you have a lost cause where your client is clearly the just recipient of punishment, you should strive for a fitting punishment.  A punishment that is neither excessive nor too lenient is the just reward for evil acts.  By presenting the truth with a favorable emphasis on the better parts, a lawyer may achieve a settlement nearer true justice.  No sane person enjoys inflicting pain upon another human being; however, in this fallen world, pain and punishment are unfortunate necessaries for creating a safer world for us all.  In the practice of law, I believe one must follow a type of tough love for one’s clients.  This is a relationship where you act in the client’s true best interest, even if it includes unpleasant retribution.  In order to truly do your best, you must place the truth above the personal qualms or fictitious claims of a client.  

This, then, is my understanding of how a good lawyer should act.  In my pursuit of law, then, I would endeavor to seek and understand the truth.  My desire is to better the world around me through example and hard work.  In law, I would give a voice to the voiceless, a just support to the defenseless, and a compassionate punishment to those deserving of retribution.  Throughout my studies in law school, I would seek a deeper and fuller understanding of the law itself and of the truth.  

In this pursuit of the truth, I have already spent four years of dedicated study.  My education in the liberal arts included a thorough instruction in philosophy through which I can see the absolute truths and work towards the practical application in a specific situation.  Having thus molded my mind towards the absolutes, I can more easily and readily pursue an education which furthers the practice of the truth.  This, then, is my reasoning behind the pursuit of law.  I desire to provide true justice to the world around me and aid my fellow man in their search for the truth.  Through the practice of law, I should be able to uphold the truth in the face of doubt and bring clarity into the darkness of deceit and confusion.  Ultimately, as a lawyer, I should endeavor in every aspect of my life to carry the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.